How did I get here?

Sometimes you sit down, look in the mirror and say, "how on earth did I get here?"
Now don't be mistaken, I know how I "got" here, one day my mom and dad fell in love, then they hugged and 9 months later I was here.

But you know, when you think of all of the choices made up until this very moment. The great ones, the dumb ones, the ones you never want to remember, and you you think, "Sheesh" I used to be kind of an idiot.

I have had one of those days, reflecting the past, contemplating the future, and pondering the now. (so wise, I know!)

I think of how I really don't have any friends from the past, any one I grew up with that I can call up and vent to, no one who knows everything about me and who knows exactly what makes me tick, and smile, laugh, and cry.

I think of friends made, memories treasured, but then lost and slowly fading.
I think of the decisions people make and how sad they make me feel.
I think of the memories I want to share with my kids, and the ones I hope they never find out.
I think of things I have said in hate and anger, and how I wish I could take it all back.
I think of the times I wasted, being selfish, ignorant, and flat out stubborn.

I wish I could go back. Do it all again, do most of the important things the same (mike, marrying him, loving him, etc) but change the bad. I wish I could have been a better example to my friends and siblings. I wish I could have been a better daughter to my parents, and to my heavenly parents. I wish that I could have taken experiences learned from others and not tried to learn them on my own.

I know who I am today. I know I might not have been this person if it weren't for my past.
I know I am not perfect, or far from it. I know I can try harder. I know I want to make decision now so that one day I can look back and not regret it. I know I can one day make my children proud to say that I am their mother. I know I can be a good example to a friend. I know I can help others and care less about me. I know I can be a better sister, daughter, wife, friend.

I'm learning that with everyday comes new challenges, new upsets, new hopes, new adventures, and new trials. I'm learning who I want to be. I'm learning the things that I love, and the ones I don't quite love. I'm learning about the world and how people treat other people. I'm learning about love, respect, and compassion. I'm learning about failing and succeeding. I'm learning about faith and hope. I'm learning, slowly but surely, about this thing we call life.

and one day
when I meet my maker, I want to look him in the face and say,
"This is all I could do, I have nothing else to give, I am not perfect, and I know I'm lacking"

and I know he will say,

"that is enough, I have provided the rest."