and then the sun came out.

I wish there were words to explain the feelings I experienced this week. It just shocks me to have everything I have ever believed shaken. The people you thought you knew, are just not who you thought they were, the trust you built up only to have it dissolve into nothing, and your emotions being thrown around back and forth till you wake up feeling exhausted like your thoughts were running marathons.

But then you take a moment, you sit back and just breath. The world stops spinning and your thoughts become clearer. You realize that what people do cannot affect you if you don't let it. No one can make your choices. And then you feel a warmth within your heart knowing everything you knew you knew is true, and all you can do is hope and pray that someday the ones who disappoint you will have a change of heart.

I cannot be more grateful for my testimony in the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I know with every fiber of my being that I have a purpose here on this earth, and everyday I will strive to become what my Heavenly Father created me to be.

Mike has been so helpful in these trying times and never lets me forget how much he loves me. He is such a good example to me. Saturday was hard. But I knew I had to shake it off and appreciate all that I have. Mike and I cleaned the house and and decided the best place to be at that time was in the temple. So we went.

What an amazing place. Just walking in the building, I could feel the sadness and hurt melt off. I was filled with joy and could not describe this transformation happening within me. I felt alive and well. I felt extremely blessed to know what I knew then. After a beautiful time there, Mike and I decided this would be our Valentine's Day tradition. There is no better way to demonstrate your love.

Like stated in D&C 45:7, "For verily I say unto you that I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the light and the life of the world—a light that shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not." And this I know with all of my heart as that Saturday afternoon the darkness went away and the sun came out in Logan, if only for a brief moment, but it shone as if to say, "have hope and faith that there will always be light amongst the darkness."

I know he hears my prayers, and I am grateful for his warm embrace during trying times.

Love is in the air...

So time flies when you're stressed out and busy, but life is good. Since my last post we've entered a new year, I've gone back to school, and its February. January was never really acknowledged considering my lack of sleep in that month and how fast it went by.

To kind of back up and update you on January, I went to Vegas with the girl's for Kylee's birthday. We spent the weekend in St, George and headed to Vegas on Friday where we received VIP treatment all day long. We were on every list in town, everyone wanted us to go to their clubs and grace them with our presence. HA. We had a good time shopping, dining, and at the end of the night we even did some clubbing at a fancy club named TAO where we were escorted past the 2 hour waiting line and into the club for being so fabulous (or for knowing the owner's little brother, either way). We danced the night away and drove back to St. George way too late for anyone's safety. But in general, it was a successful girl's weekend.

School started with a bang (to the head) and we were assigned a group project. We were to design a library commons area and we had a pretty good time doing so in spite of the lack of sleep and the short amount of time we had to do so.

Grandma Maughan passed away. We really miss her. She was such a fun person, and always smiling. Grandpa will be needing lots of hugs and we will be doing our best to provide them.

and soon, Valentine's day will be here. For some reason, in the past Mike and I have made this holiday bigger than Christmas with the gift giving. Last year I got him some pretty sweet RayBan's and he in return gave me a shopping trip along with a fondue dinner. This year we even went a week early, and already got our shopping done. HA. We've agreed to not use our presents till Valentine's day, but its sooo hard considering I have been waiting for it for so long now. This year Valentine's day falls on a sunday and the next day I don't have school. So we have decided to take the whole day off and celebrate. Not that we are cheesy and celebrate this, but on the 16th we will have been married for a year and a half! I'm excited to have a whole day with my husband and to have his undivided attention (which I don't get very often!)

New Year's Eve party treats

New Year's Eve kiss

Playing in the snow with the Kidlets

Mike helping Callie walk through the snow (her snow clothes were impeding that ability)

Mike and I at Eliane & Fabio's wedding

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Its been some time and so many things have happened. School went out with a bang! Mike graduated........HALLELUJAH!!!! And....I got a 4.0! I have to say, this semester almost killed us both, but it sure payed off in the end. We worked so hard that we deserved an amazing vacation. We went to Brazil for 12 days!!!! It was unbelievable! It was so fun to go back to my roots and get to know my country along side of my husband. We spent lots of time with family and got quite a bit of sun too!

For the first part of our trip we spent with my aunt and got to know the exciting city of Sao Paulo. It was so neat and so much fun. We ate every kind of fruit possible and between the two of us we probably gained at least 15 lbs. My aunt and uncle were so great at doing everything possible to give us a taste of everything Brazil has to offer.

The next part of our trip was spent in Rio De Janeiro. It was beautiful!!! and the beaches.....terrific! We stayed in a hotel right on Copacabana beach and we definitely got some sun. We got back from Rio and went to a city called Santos and spent just one night at my aunt's condo on the beach. The day was kind of rainy but we did get some time on the beach and headed back.

The last part of our trip was spent in a little town called Rio Claro, which is where my grandma lives. It was SOOOOOO HOT, but so fun. We ate a lot of different things and just got to sit back and relax. No running around. We got to meet family I had never even met and play some serious game of dominoes with my grandparents. Hilarious!

In general, what an amazing trip. With many layovers later we arrived safely home on Christmas Eve. We spent Christmas Eve with my family and ate so much I had food coming out of my ears. Lots of fun and presents and we stayed up way too late. The next morning we got up bright and early and made the journey home to little ole' Logan where we hurried over for Marilyn's delicious Christmas Brunch. Let's just say it was perfect. It was so fun to see all the fam and to catch up.

Now, here I am, without school, work, or anything else to be busy with. I don't know what to do with myself. So I have decided to catch up on my blog, and give this house the TLC it has been needing in quite some time. So I've been keeping myself busy with keeping the house clean, making some desserts, and even thinking about starting a fun new craft. It has been nice to have this break, but I am excited for the New Year and everything it has to bring. So here are some pictures of the end of Our '09! Hope you all had a beautiful Christmas and we wish you a prosperous New Year!

Confidence is Key!

So I never give myself enough credit. I am always way too critical and harsh on myself. I know that I need to work on me and my self-esteem before I can help others, and I also feel like when I help others I help myself. But I definitely have to work on this confidence thing. So here is my attempt in doing so. These are some things that I am good at and should be proud of myself for!

- I am a daughter of god who loves me
- I am married to a wonderful man who thinks I am BEAUTIFUL!
- I made it into a competitive studio and my work is great!
- I am a pretty good cook when I get around to doing it.
- I am a hard worker and very determined
- I have motherly instincts coming out of my ears and I think I will be a great mother one day.
- Kids happen to like me
- I am friendly
- I am personable
- I have quirks that make me different and interesting
- I think I have pretty good hair.
- I have good fashion sense when I get all gussied up
- I have amazing taste in shoes....and way too many of them
- I think I'm pretty funny
- My home is decorated pretty cute, some I'll take credit for, but mostly things people have kindly given us.
- I am good with words, especially on paper. I love to write and I think I'm good at expressing my feelings when I do.
- I'm brazilian and take pride in my heritage and language ( I speak three languages, not too shabby)
- I have pretty brown eyes....they are very dark, but I like them.
- I am pretty good at cleaning, when I want to.
- I think I have good spiritual intuitiveness (or however you would say that)
- I love others
- I am interested in others well-beings and can usually help by giving good advice
- I am smart. Not to brag but I have gotten a couple of 4.0's in my day.
- I am money smart too, I hate owing people money, and I try to never spend more than I have.
- I am good at my calling.
- I try hard to be the best wife I can be.
- I am supportive of my family and can always lend a good ear for venting.
- I have great friends and consider myself very blessed.
- I have a beautiful home and puppy that I take care of.
- I am a good person....who needs to just realize it and stop being so hard on herself.

I apologize if this post sounds self-centered and obnoxious. But sometimes you need to appreciate the good things you do, because positive thinking brings forth positive efforts, and negative thinking does nothing but bring you down. So I guess when I am feeling down on myself and like I am not worthy of all the blessings I have, then I just have to take a minute, look in the mirror and realize I am beautiful inside and out! Heavenly Father created me this way, and he created me this way for a reason, to shine and to live my life to the fullest, loving me and everything that comes with it.

so take a minute and love yourself too...

HILARIOUS!

If you're looking for some funny mormon humor go here. Now no one go get offended, its just for laughs and giggles. Maybe this explains the comments I get all the time! HAHAHAHA...jk Mikey. Love you.

Click on this link.

Mormon Scale of Attractiveness

Home Sweet Home

Husband's back! He's unemployed, but he's back! And for some reason I have not been happier. Even unemployed. Pray for us. I know he's good at anything he does, he'll find something in no time. So give us a shout out if you know of anyone hiring!

Anyway, love you all. Thanks for the support through this hard time in my life. Or week. haha. Sorry for all the drama. I am truly grateful for the wonderful husband I have that even though I am sometimes irrational, he loves me and supports me anyway. He even stands up for me. I love him very much and could not ask for someone better or more hardworking than the one I have. He's the crayon box with 64 colors, not just the 8 color kind. (haha). He's perfect (well.... most of the time).

Love,

Jess

So I am officially husbandless...

Now don't you fret, little readers. Not divorced, just husbandless. How do you become husbandless you ask? Well it was actually more of an ordeal than I expected. I thought you just kick them out the door, and there you have it. But no, it becomes a lot more dramatic. It involves a lot of crying on my part, blood-shot eyes for 4 days, and sulking, not to mention the other dramatic events that come along with that.

Husbandless. Mike comes home to me Friday and declares he is starting a new job, he leaves on Tuesday for BAGS. WYOMING! "Wonderful," I exclaim, as I have always wanted to be married just one year then become husbandless for the rest of my life but still having to be MARRIED without any of the privileges. Go ahead and assume my facial expression. Ticked! Anyway, there you have it. If you are ever needing to feel alone, depressed, and completely betrayed, make your husband mad enough to get a new job where he has to move to BAGS, WYOMING.

Now that I'm off my soapbox. I have had an extremely hard week. My body agrees. Everything hurts, my head, my stomach, my eyes, my legs, and my heart. I feel like I went into surgery to have a piece of me removed without any anesthesia. Ok, call me dramatic or whatever you'd like, but its harder than I thought it would be. The house is deathly quiet, my mom is 2 hours away, and most the time I feel like crying in bed all day and not getting up for school.

But guess what, reality is this, I have to go on living my life, pretending that every thing is honky dory! But at least on my blog I can vent. I can say how mad I am at Mike for leaving me here in this state. I can say that I wish we lived elsewhere that he could find a better job, Logan isn't really the job metropolis. I can say that my major is so overwhelming right now, I want to quit; and I can even say that I'm pissed at anyone involved at taking my husband away, for at least a couple more hours or days anyway.

Am I being livid and negative, probably, but I can do that here, this is my only way of venting before I go out of my mind. So if anyone is offended by my inappropriateness, please unsubscribe to this blog, and you will never have to read of my rantings again. Simple as that. Love you all who have supported and tried to help in this situation, but for now, I choose to sulk.